He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i came on her dog
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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