her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
