Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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