Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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