I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Holy shit dude........stairs
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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