if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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