maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
