When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize