Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?