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Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
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