I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend