It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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