Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
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The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that