I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
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Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
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Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy