Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care