so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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