There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
