I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
