I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
