I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
