So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
