If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
