I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
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Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
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woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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