How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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