I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
