I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
