he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
