From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Randomize
