We just shotgunned beers for America
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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