; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
