forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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