Define "chronic" masturbator.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
