I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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