If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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