Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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