you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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