FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
