Apparently you make a good broom.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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