the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
