Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
