I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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