I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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