Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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