so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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