His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
