You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
