I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
