What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
