Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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