I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
