Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
