are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
