peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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