Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
