any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
