I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
