I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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