I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
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We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
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Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.