lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
sex in a hospital.. check
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
