When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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