is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
