i wish my penis had a tongue
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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