Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
