so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
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You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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