The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
