Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
