at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
