Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
