So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
