You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
