the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
