I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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