Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
