Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
