Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
