dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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