had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
