He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
