so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
