Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
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