I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
