I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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