I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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