She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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