haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
