We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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