Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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