felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
