apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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